Moderate adoration. Or maybe not moderate. What can I say, the man oozes personality.
Everybody is getting married right and left. A friend and an acquaintance, both twenty years old, got hitched within the past couple of weeks. (Not to each other.) What's the deal? I didn't realize I would reach the proverbial age when all my friends would begin trotting down the aisle quite so soon. Do people usually get married at 20? Maybe these cider in lieu of champagne marriages are more widespread than I was aware. 21 and unmarried seems to make me practically an old maid.
I'm trying to write my diary every day, and have also recently decided (like, as in this afternoon) to try to read a book every day, or at least finish one a day. I think it's doable. How is that a word? Doable. Is my spell check weak or something?
The internet is boring me right now. I go online, delete emails from Teen Vogue, scan a weary eye over my Facebook page, read blogs - and then just sit there. I feel like there's this super fun thing to do online that keeps my friends glued to it, but I don't know what it is. I also feel like there is some secret site where all the cool people in the world go and talk about cool stuff together, and make themselves even cooler. And it's called
Could somebody kindly direct me to this site? I mean, it has to be out there. Some people I know could not be as cool as they are without some kind of outside help. It just isn't possible. Is it like a club? If you people would let me join I would be very grateful and admiring and stumble over myself to write nice comments. Or wait! Maybe I won't because that wouldn't be cool. Aloofness is often deemed cool, from what I've observed. This learning to be cool, studying for coolness, if you will, is certainly a tricky business.
This actually used to bother me a lot more than it does now - but lately I've taken to embroidering "As My Whimsey Takes Me" on hankies, and it takes my mind off of it.
No joke. Getting rather obsessed, what? Almost embarrassin', don't you know!
(Later edit: Ugh. Is this too weird of me? No weirder than people slobbering over pictures of Johnny Depp on their blogs, right? I'm just showing my adoration for Dorothy Sayers in a rather peculiar manner, that's all.)
I'm feeling a bit inferior right now. Everyone is funnier and nicer and better at writing and taking pictures than I am. But, oddly, I'm not too depressed by it. It's an okay feeling of inferiority. Like, I'm busy admiring the awesome people, and not so worried about myself. I read some F. Scott Fitzgerald the other day, and even though I knew I would never be able to write like that, and the stories themselves were depressing, I didn't get mopey at all. Felt very good, actually. Just last year The Bell Jar was making me batty. It's getting better all the time. I used to get mad at my school (Now I can't complain!) The teachers who taught me weren't cool...
Sorry. Lost control of myself there. Writing singing down is almost impossible. It just doesn't work in this (ahem!) medium.
I don't know why I expect greatness from myself. I've never tried writing, so I don't see why I should get all depressed when I can't conjure up some fabulous poem out of the air with a flick of the wrist. I'm quite happy being a nice ordinary egg.