1. Childcare worker at my church
I got that job when I was 15 and a half. I learned that, if I ever had children - which I wouldn't - they would never even know Dora the Explorer existed.
2. Gift-basket assembler
This seasonal job mainly consisted of very precisely taping boxes of crackers against each other. I was introduced - thanks to damaged boxes that couldn't be used in the gift baskets - to the wonders of chocolate-covered caramel corn. C.C. Winkle, baby. Look it up.
3. Precinct walker
I had this job for, if I remember rightly, two weeks. It involved going door to door and talking to people about a local proposition that I couldn't even vote for, as I lived in a different district. I quit after realizing I was making less than three dollars an hour. I spent all my money at California Pizza Kitchen, and ate the entire pizza myself.
4. Cookie store
A remarkably stressful job, considering I peddled baked goods that had the word "hogs" written on them.
I was technically employed for 2 days. I realized I would never possess the drive to look cute every day and chickened out.
6. Hobby Lobby
A peculiar big-box retail store. I bought a black santa that is clothed in cheetah prints instead of the typical red garb, a statue of an enormously fat pig with an American flag draped over its back, and a vase that looks like it's made out of cabbage leaves, and other such wonderful things at disgustingly cheap prices. That's probably the best thing I can say about it.
7. Music Dept.
For a summer I worked as a front-desk person at my school's music department. Meaning I played facebook at my school's music department.
8. Art assitantship
Perhaps the most varied job I've ever had - one day I take spray paint labels onto cabinets in the illustration classroom, the next I am scanning my teacher's family pictures. People had some spectacular glasses in the fifties.
9. Bottled water label designer
I started this week. So far, so good. I design and print personalized labels for water bottles for things like banks and baby showers. You wouldn't think personalized water bottles would be a thing, but apparently they are. It's a fun job, really. I get to be creative and make my own hours and I can eat snacks at my desk. You wouldn't believe how nice it is to get to eat when you're hungry while working. And I get a comfy chair. And more than minimum wage. I could get used to this.
When I am old I'd like to be able to constantly surprise my children by suddenly chiming in in a conversation with, "No, when you're in a circus it isn't like that." Or, "When I was assistant to the princess of Sweden I tried escargot."
I'm beginning to think that, as far as jobs go, I could end up nearly anywhere. Though, as my mother once told me, "I think you can do anything. Except be a jockey."
13 March, 2013
Be honest now. If you could have your tea in a teapot like that, wouldn't you feel like the future had finally come? That you could just step outside and jet-pack on over to your friend's house for a chat?
10 March, 2013
My school used to be called Little Rock University - or, more commonly "Last Resort University." However, if anyone still thinks that the re-named University of Arkansas at Little Rock is only a school for the dumb and/or desperate, think again.
WE HAVE THIS.
WE HAVE THIS.