16 September, 2010

keywords: rant/rave/superheroes

Peer editing is a delightful way to spend one's time, is it not?


Now that I've got that off my chest, let's talk about superheroes.  Why, you may ask, am I talking about superheroes?  Because, my dear blog, I have been wallowing in a veritable... a veritable... vat of toxic waste which the villain intends to drop the screeching heroine into with a satisfying sizzle.

Wait, that didn't make sense.

Okay, we are discussing superheroes because in the past week I have seen:
Batman Begins
The Dark Knight
Spider Man
X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Yep.  In fact, I watched the last three with my sister yesterday.  And the only film among these that I had seen before - eons ago - was Spider Man.  
HOW THE HECK HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN BATMAN!? You might reasonably shriek.
And I would have to answer, in a calm, collected tone of voice, that I have no idea.  But, I am an odd child that way.  I had my first pumpkin pie last year.  I can't explain it.
But, anyways, let's move back to superheroes. 


1. Batman. Is. Awesome.  He probably tops the favorite superhero list.  And, my heavens, those movies were done well. Michael Caine! Morgan Freeman!  Christian Bale!  Heath Ledger!  Oh, man.  I thought his put-on batman voice would annoy me - ended up totally cool with it.  The gadgets or whatever are believable.  Think how terribly, terribly wrong they could have gone with the bat mobile.   Granted, the Rachel switch was weird.  But still - ah! 

2. No matter how cheesy, I will still always like spider man.  I like Tobey  Maguire.  I love how awkward he is.  James Franco seems to be on the verge of tears in every movie I've ever seen him in - yet I still like him too.  The Green Goblin costume was wretched, yes.  Special effects decidedly 2002 at points.  But I still enjoyed it.  We're getting spider-man 2 from Netflix.  Alfred Molina seems to enjoy himself, doesn't he?  He chooses all these wacky roles, but performs them with such gusto that you can't think badly of him. 

3. X-Men.  X-Men.  X-Men.  
I don't even know what to say.  I am an extreme hater of leather jumpsuits or pants or anything besides modest jackets, and I still loved the movies. (And, believe me, I've hated movies for less than unfortunate pleather episodes.)  I found myself smacking Cee (my sister) about every ten minutes, shrieking quietly, "Did he kill her?  Is he going to kill her?" and "It's that thing! That blue girl is the statue of liberty." and "Tell me when to open my eyes." Oh my gosh. I am (cough) very rarely (suave brush of nails against shoulder) surprised by film plots (subtle puffing of chest) - and I didn't see some things coming in these movies.  It's terribly exciting.

I want to be a superhero. I'm dead serious.  I wish I was disgustingly rich and brilliant and slightly unprincipled and not afflicted with chronic laziness.  I wish I liked working out and getting punched in the face. I wish I lived in a major city.  I wish I had a vast collection of ridiculously expensive gadgets at my command, or could shoot string out my wrists. I wish I was a master of the one-liner. Gosh, I wish I could be a superhero.  Despised by the people I have my nose regularly bloodied to save!  Feared by small children whose mothers tell them I will come get them if they don't brush their teeth right now!  And, deep down, content in the knowledge that I am working to rid my beloved city of sweatshirted thieves and making it a better place!  I so wish I could be a superhero. Or at least be saved by one. 
I watch far too many adventure movies.  It makes me discontent, and I start ranting to my poor dad about how you can't just take a canoe and go glide down a river and camp out wherever you want to anymore.  (These subjects - superheroes and canoes - are related, I swear.  At least, they are in a rather vague way in my head. So probably they are not really related at all.  Sorry.) I fret that life is too tame, too regulated.  I start to moan to myself that I'll never get to have any adventures, conveniently forgetting that Frodo almost goes nuts and dies.  Conveniently forgetting that getting horrible scars actually hurts.  Conveniently forgetting that being a superhero would basically be awful. 

X-Men 2 arrives in three business days.


  1. Superheroes are awesome. Batman tops my list as well. Good post.