Am considering creating an imaginary boyfriend. Not only would it be fun to have one (while shopping, "Do you think my imaginary boyfriend will like this?"), it might scare people away. Not the way declaring myself, like, Napoleon or a sausage would - but by whispering/mumbling/muttering "imaginary" I could fend off creepers. And one guy at school who, I think, if encouraged, would try to, gulp, ask me out. It is an invitation I hope to avoid at all costs.
So, the imaginary boyfriend would be very useful. Observe:
Guy I do not like-like, or even like, period, or am at all inclined to spend my time with shuffles up and accosts me in the dingy cafeteria - "Hey. I was thinking about you this week."
What do I say to that? Oh, I wasn't thinking about you? "Oh."
I am getting my hot chocolate as quickly as humanly possible. I give every impression that I am in a rush.
"I never get to talk to you for very long."
(And here the IB comes in handy - see:)
"Oh yeah," I say, breezily, "I never seem to have time for anything nowadays! Rush! I neglect everyone. My poor imaginary BOYFRIEND. I see him for like, two seconds a day."
See how great this could be? Subtle, but effective.
Farewell to all weirdos! Adieu to awkward conversations!
I am a terrible person. But a happy one.