05 October, 2010

Technically this isn't whining.

It's really rather appalling to realize how many girls actually go to college looking to get their Mrs. degree.  (Did you see the funny joke there?  Because it was hilarious, I tell you!) I mean, astonishing.  All I can think is, "jeez, that's an expensive way to meet a husband."  But you know what?  Until about eight hours ago, I never stopped to think that when I worried about the possibility of missing out on the "college experience" by living at home instead of going away to school, I was basically saying "I think it might be worth six thousand dollars a year to be forced to make friends with people who, in ordinary circumstances, I might never associate with."  Twelve thousand dollars is an awful lot to pay for friends.

Lately, I've really come to see how very, very pleasant and freeing it would be to be able to finish college debt-free, or at least owing amounts in the thousands instead of the ten, twenty and thirty thousands.  If I have student loans to pay back, I can't expect to be able to just drop everything and drive off to Montana on a whim.  And I really do want to drive off to Montana one day soon.  I also really want to move to England and   wear wellies when I go foraging in the countryside.  How will I ever do these things if I can't take risks?  If I'm tied down by that monthly payment?  I know things can't just be dropped, but isn't the disentangling and setting things down less complicated if money isn't as big an issue?  Did that even make one crumb of sense?
Whether it did or not, it really makes sense to me at the moment.

And college is what you make of it, isn't it?

I use too many commas and over-think everything, but at least... at least... (need something positive here) at least I knew like three years ago that Oxford shoes were going to come in.  I even bought ridiculously expensive men's dress shoes, trying to get that sort of Oxford-wingtip-brogue-sixties  look.  That gives me great personal satisfaction. (And gives the world a little glimpse into the reason why the people at Hillsdale didn't seem as eager as they might have to number me among their student body. I never applied, but I think I could have guessed the outcome if I had.  Good thing I don't care.)


  1. grg, money. every conventional life-experience seems to have quite a price. perhaps the trick is to live a little unconventionally then... which usually looks about the same from the outside (and probably ends up costing just as much), but has a freeing affect on the heart. but really, i don't know. i find myself checking listings in the housing market sometimes before i catch myself and remember that i have other, bigger dreams (no, not a mansion. i mean travel and all that). and then enter the questions about proper timing and investments and being grown-up. no, i really don't know anything. except i know about debt and the way it seems clip my wings.

    and there we are.

  2. Exactly! I guess I'll just have to come to terms with the fact that life costs money :) And I think you're exactly right - feeling free is the main thing. I have a hard time smart with my money. I like treating people and buy far too much music, which isn't a major problem, but I'm always worrying that if I can't learn some real, stern self control now I'll just fall apart when I really have to take care of myself. Ugh. My whole family is messing about with debt, and it looks exhausting and scary. Even if I couldn't afford to go to Europe whether I had debt or not, I'd still rather not. If that makes sense.