I've been vaguely writing this blog since I was 19. And though thinking about that makes me very sentimental, enough is enough. I'm throwing in the sponge, as they say. I just feel too much weirdness about posting things here, and I'm making attempts to obliterate all weirdness from my life. So here we are. It's not you, it's me.
Until further notice, any and all blogging will take place here.
It has been a sincere pleasure, dear void.
10 July, 2014
09 January, 2014
Celebrities I have... met.
Last night I dreamed Leonardo DiCaprio was my adopted brother, and I decided to take him a bunch of places so people would be all excited that he was there and wouldn't notice that I was late, had done no work, or was doing no work. He was basically the answer to all of my slacker problems.
Which has made me notice something. I think I might have a lot of dreams with famous people in them. Or, at least, more than a person might ordinarily have.
In dreams, I've also met Jennifer Lawrence (we were close friends, actually), Karlie Kloss, the band The Wombats, and Tom Hanks. My sister dreams that Tom Hanks is our uncle all the time (he looks like he could be anyone's uncle, which is part of what makes him great), but she has not had the serious bonding time I've had with Jen.
In the first Jennifer Lawrence dream, we were messing around downtown where we rode an elevator that was deeply unsafe and more like a ride from the fair. We talked about how she had found out he was going to play Katniss while cleaning up a mess on the floor at my house. We also went to a PetSmart, which, peculiarly, had beverages for sale - like a whole wall of glass containers like at a gas station - and Jennifer explained to me that there was some kind of margarita mix/juice that was delicious without the alcohol that she and her brothers had discovered and it was only sold at PetSmart. I was sitting on the floor, laughing unhelpfully. In the back of my mind I had a feeling that she was going to offer me pot, and I thought, "Well, if Jennifer Lawrence offers it to me, I'm going to take it." But I woke up before she could.
In the second, she was getting ready for a premier and I discovered that all her jewelry was like the plastic kiddy kind you buy at Rite-Aid, hooked onto little cardboard hangers. I thought, "Wow! Smart. No one would notice."
P.S. I have actually met Shia LaBeouf at a Six Flags (during his Even Stevens days), and Jump5 back when they were a thing, and I sat one chair away from a very bearded Jason Schwartzman this past summer in a hip vegan restaurant. None of those encounters were anywhere near as good as being Jen's bestie, I have to admit.
P.P.S Last night (1.10.14) I dreamed I was dressed in some sort of period costume (may have been Jane Austen-ish)(all the ladies had mason jars of yogurt that matched the color of their dresses), and there was some odd sort of choice-making ceremony in which I was picked by chance to be the future bride of this snippy jerk. And after responding to a moronic comment he made about how I'd arranged some strawberries on a plate, I turned to serve some of the strawberries to the woman to the left of me. It was Emma Thompson. She was rather professor Trelawney-ish, and as she dithered about I gently plopped strawberries on the side of her plate, which was already quite filled up with long, thin, curly shreds of peeled carrot. I really can't explain it.
1.28.14
Jennifer Lawrence and I went skiing. I tried to make excuses because it looked cold out, but once I got out there I enjoyed it.
Later, some smallish polar bears sort of genteelly attacked my car, and I gave them dove chocolates to make them not eat me.
Which has made me notice something. I think I might have a lot of dreams with famous people in them. Or, at least, more than a person might ordinarily have.
In dreams, I've also met Jennifer Lawrence (we were close friends, actually), Karlie Kloss, the band The Wombats, and Tom Hanks. My sister dreams that Tom Hanks is our uncle all the time (he looks like he could be anyone's uncle, which is part of what makes him great), but she has not had the serious bonding time I've had with Jen.
In the first Jennifer Lawrence dream, we were messing around downtown where we rode an elevator that was deeply unsafe and more like a ride from the fair. We talked about how she had found out he was going to play Katniss while cleaning up a mess on the floor at my house. We also went to a PetSmart, which, peculiarly, had beverages for sale - like a whole wall of glass containers like at a gas station - and Jennifer explained to me that there was some kind of margarita mix/juice that was delicious without the alcohol that she and her brothers had discovered and it was only sold at PetSmart. I was sitting on the floor, laughing unhelpfully. In the back of my mind I had a feeling that she was going to offer me pot, and I thought, "Well, if Jennifer Lawrence offers it to me, I'm going to take it." But I woke up before she could.
In the second, she was getting ready for a premier and I discovered that all her jewelry was like the plastic kiddy kind you buy at Rite-Aid, hooked onto little cardboard hangers. I thought, "Wow! Smart. No one would notice."
P.S. I have actually met Shia LaBeouf at a Six Flags (during his Even Stevens days), and Jump5 back when they were a thing, and I sat one chair away from a very bearded Jason Schwartzman this past summer in a hip vegan restaurant. None of those encounters were anywhere near as good as being Jen's bestie, I have to admit.
P.P.S Last night (1.10.14) I dreamed I was dressed in some sort of period costume (may have been Jane Austen-ish)(all the ladies had mason jars of yogurt that matched the color of their dresses), and there was some odd sort of choice-making ceremony in which I was picked by chance to be the future bride of this snippy jerk. And after responding to a moronic comment he made about how I'd arranged some strawberries on a plate, I turned to serve some of the strawberries to the woman to the left of me. It was Emma Thompson. She was rather professor Trelawney-ish, and as she dithered about I gently plopped strawberries on the side of her plate, which was already quite filled up with long, thin, curly shreds of peeled carrot. I really can't explain it.
1.28.14
Jennifer Lawrence and I went skiing. I tried to make excuses because it looked cold out, but once I got out there I enjoyed it.
Later, some smallish polar bears sort of genteelly attacked my car, and I gave them dove chocolates to make them not eat me.
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