Employment History

1.  Childcare worker at my church
I got that job when I was 15 and a half.  I learned that, if I ever had children - which I wouldn't - they would never even know Dora the Explorer existed.

2. Gift-basket assembler
This seasonal job mainly consisted of very precisely taping boxes of crackers against each other.  I was introduced - thanks to damaged boxes that couldn't be used in the gift baskets - to the wonders of chocolate-covered caramel corn.  C.C. Winkle, baby.  Look it up.

3. Precinct walker
I had this job for, if I remember rightly, two weeks.  It involved going door to door and talking to people about a local proposition that I couldn't even vote for, as I lived in a different district.  I quit after realizing I was making less than three dollars an hour. I spent all my money at California Pizza Kitchen, and ate the entire pizza myself.

4. Cookie store
A remarkably stressful job, considering I peddled baked goods that had the word "hogs" written on them.

5. Anthropologie
I was technically employed for 2 days.  I realized I would never possess the drive to look cute every day and chickened out.

6. Hobby Lobby
A peculiar big-box retail store.  I bought a black santa that is clothed in cheetah prints instead of the typical red garb, a statue of an enormously fat pig with an American flag draped over its back, and a vase that looks like it's made out of cabbage leaves, and other such wonderful things at disgustingly cheap prices.  That's probably the best thing I can say about it.

7. Music Dept.
For a summer I worked as a front-desk person at my school's music department.  Meaning I played facebook at my school's music department.

8. Art assitantship
Perhaps the most varied job I've ever had - one day I take spray paint labels onto cabinets in the illustration classroom, the next I am scanning my teacher's family pictures.  People had some spectacular glasses in the fifties.

9. Bottled water label designer
I started this week.  So far, so good.  I design and print personalized labels for water bottles for things like banks and baby showers.  You wouldn't think personalized water bottles would be a thing, but apparently they are.  It's a fun job, really.  I get to be creative and make my own hours and I can eat snacks at my desk. You wouldn't believe how nice it is to get to eat when you're hungry while working.  And I get a comfy chair.  And more than minimum wage.  I could get used to this.

When I am old I'd like to be able to constantly surprise my children by suddenly chiming in in a conversation with, "No, when you're in a circus it isn't like that." Or, "When I was assistant to the princess of Sweden I tried escargot."

I'm beginning to think that, as far as jobs go, I could end up nearly anywhere.  Though, as my mother once told me, "I think you can do anything.  Except be a jockey."

(I'm 5'10)

from the Bauhaus to MY house, please.

Be honest now.  If you could have your tea in a teapot like that, wouldn't you feel like the future had finally come?  That you could just step outside and jet-pack on over to your friend's house for a chat?

I would.

Oh yes.

My school used to be called Little Rock University - or, more commonly "Last Resort University." However, if anyone still thinks that the re-named University of Arkansas at Little Rock is only a school for the dumb and/or desperate, think again.

WE HAVE THIS.

No more stress! Huzzah! Wait...

I had the last final of the longest, hardest, most rewarding, most tearful semester ever today.  I AM  DONE.

This was taken during a low point in the semester when I went around half the day with my sweater  inside out, and then after realizing this, removing it, and putting it on right side out, I went around for the rest of the day with it buttoned very wrong. The arm is my boyfriend holding me so he could send a picture to my mom. They tell me they love me, but I'm beginning to wonder if that's really why I'm kept around.

there is no such thing as free

Okay.  So, I've never actually been paid for any design/arty work I've done.  In my defense, I've only been doing arty stuff for like a year, and only with moderate confidence for like a month.  But!  I've had a slight disappointment today in regards to some free work I did and what they are (or more specifically, are not) doing with it, and I've realized that I need to make some rules for myself if I'm going to keep doing free work.

(And these rules apply after I've consulted the "Should I Work for Free" flowchart and it's a YES.)

1. You may not agonize unduly over the work.

2. You may not let free work get in the way of normal work you have to do.  Free work is the lowest priority, unless it's for something extremely important or a lot of people will see it.

3. You may not spend lots of money on free work.  Strive to spend no money, if possible.

4. You may not spend an unreasonable amount of time on free work, unless, again, it is extremely important or being viewed by many eyeballs.

5. Because it is free work, you will not subject yourself to too much direction or interference. If they want you to do work for no pay, regard it as a chance to have complete freedom with what you make.

6. Free work should be completed as quickly as possible. The more time it is left undone, the more time you have to think about it and let it worry you. Fast turnover is required.

7. Even if it's for a good cause, or a family member or some other deserving person, you are allowed to say NO.

okay... thanks mom

After seeing all the work it entailed, I decided a while ago that I probably wouldn't do scrapbooking. Ever.  I'm too self-critical and changeable, and I thought I'd always be making a page and then hating it and ripping it out. I told myself it was cheesy.

But when I started flipping through our family scrapbooks the other day, looking for a picture to draw for illustration class, I ended up sitting on the floor for like an hour and a half. 

 I never looked nice as a baby.

 Odd bonding between enemies over the automatic cat litter box.

 Bowling league. I thought that headband-scarf (the kind you tied round your head with little strings - remember?) made me the hottest thing on the planet.

 Sewing gone wrong.

 Childhood triumphs.

Grandpas.

Actually, scrapbooks are great.
Mom? I'm about to say your favorite words:

You were right and I was wrong.

Magic Mouthwash and bleh.

Glorious, isn't it?

You know, you'd think being sick for a long, long time would have a great number of benefits.  Lots of nice food.  Parents and boyfriend waiting on you obligingly.  Lying in bed and daydreaming that you're a consumptive poet whose greatness will only be realized after your tragically young death.

But there are a surprising number of cons.

1. People don't wait on you.  Nor are you allowed to stay in bed for long. Very selfishly, people forget that you're ill and give you homework  or make you contribute to the communal living experience and do things like clean up after yourself.

2. You're all weak and tired and then all your relatives and friends who aren't weak and tired go to the rock climbing gym all the time without you and get WAY better at climbing than you.  Which just makes you feel worse about yourself.

3. You wear the same pair of socks like five days in a row because you're sleep deprived and forget to change them. And then you loose friends (the definition of friends being people willing to come within a ten-foot radius of you).

But, quite seriously, I've been ill for over three months now with a tenacious and sometimes dreadful viral infection.  I shan't go into details, but let me just say that cold sores (or whatever they are) can do fantastically hideous things to you if they want to. Keep on their good side.

The only really enjoyable part of the whole ordeal so far was when during a visit my doctor said, "Okay, I'm going to prescribe you some magic mouthwash." I started to grin but realized he was perfectly serious.  And when I got the prescription? Printed on the side was:
MAGIC MOUTHWASH. GARGLE TWICE DAILY.